I'm once again here to blog for the mere fact that I'm depressed about life. Why else would I be blogging. I guess this is my way of venting my frustrations. So...I basically don't know what to do. And the things I don't know what to do about just keep adding up. I have no idea when I will be getting married. Either this December as I have been hoping for. If not then then it will have to be after spring semester. Life kind of sucks. I hate being patient and I've had to be for the last six months. I am not ok with having to be patient. I am not ok with a lot right now but some things I can't write because you never know one person might decide to actually read this crap someday. I've very sad right now. I don't know if my sealing cancellation will happen in time. I don't know how to make certain things alright in my mind. I feel vulnerable and afraid. Am I making a mistake? Then to top it all off I look out the window at the beautiful weather and see the ugly trees changing color. Why can't they stay green, why can't the weather stay this perfect temperature forever. I hate the cold. I hate that I'm getting married in the worst month to get married in. I hate that I can't seem to control my emotions and that I am always complaining. I don't enjoy this at all. I hate that my thoughts can't all be happy ones. I hate that I really have no friends. I hate that the one friend I do have I don't even want to talk to. I hate hate.
I went to a fireside last night. It was Michael Ballam and he spoke to the Relief Society in my Stake. It was such a good fireside. He talked about seeking out the virtuous, lovely, praiseworthy, good report, things in life. I felt so uplifted after that and now here I sit letting satan pull me down as he does so well. Why do I allow him to fill me with such hatred. To fill me with the most awful feelings possible. Why is it so hard for me to turn to my Heavenly Father when I need him the most. When I'm confused and frustrated, scared and alone.
Ok I'm done typing. I'm tired and just want to go home now so that's what I'm going to do.
The End.
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4 comments:
I still think you should look into what we talked about. Hang in there! I love you!
Don't forget how amazing you are! I can only imagine how frustrating things are right now, but I know you will get through it. I've learned that if one door closes, the Lord always helps us find another one. Thanks for your example, and don't worry if it comes down to December, it's not THAT bad. :) I didn't want to get married then either, but it turned out to be such a beautiful amazing day I didn't notice the ten feet of snow on the ground. :) Love you!
What am I? Chopped liver? I love you Erin. And you know you are always welcome to call me to complain. Sometimes it helps to just get all of your worries and anxieties off of your chest!
Erin, I love you so much! I am sorry I didn't see this post until now, and I am so sorry that you were having a bad day. I hope that today is much better for you. I also hope you always know that I would do anything for you. I love you.
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