Those that bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves

In the words of Homestar Runner, "Tendafoot, can you tell me how to get the most out of life?"

Over the past week or so I have been feeling incredibly insecure with relationships, school, work, everything really. The last week has also been an immensely spiritually uplifting one. The two completely contradict one another which is a little disturbing to me. I think that with all of these church related activities I have been involved with Satan has been working extra hard to pull me down, sadly enough I've let him.

I would much rather think about the spiritual side of things though so here's what I was up to last week....

Tuesday: IWA, our chapter is so big this semester and I absolutely love it. I'm really looking forward to meeting all of the new girls and making some new friends. Everyone seems so cute and nice and I think we will have so much fun this year.

Wednesday: Institute, I absolutely love my institute class. Bro. Harding is my teacher and he is simply amazing. He makes class so enjoyable and he makes you think. Something that has been on my mind that he brought up was how Sariah, Lehi's wife, had 'supposed' that her sons had died in the wilderness and wouldn't make it back. Instead of having faith in the Lord she went ahead and supposed something had happened. I do this every single day. I am constantly supposing, or telling myself that certain things are going to happen.
...I'm going to do horrible on this exam.. I must not be good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.. this is going to be so scary...
I have realized that I need to stop supposing all of the time. Not all things will turn out how I predetermine them to. I need to have more faith that I am a wonderful daughter of God and am capable of achieving great things. I need to stop psyching myself out.

Thursday: I went to the Logan Temple with Mandy and we did initiatories. I have not done those since I had my own done, over five years ago. Why I never went and did these wonderful things before I will never know. The spirit was so strong and it was so great to hear these blessings and to do this work. I am truly grateful to Mandy for suggesting that we do these.

Saturday: There was a Relief Society enrichment thing that I went to. The theme was, 'Who am I and what do I want to become'? There were four different speakers each talking about a different subject, eating healthier/exercising, something about how to do your make up, setting goals which I loved and will expound on in another post, and the main speaker, Sister Waterson, spoke on pushing forward. The spirit was amazing and I couldn't help but bawl. Sister Waterson read a quote from Peter Pan that I loved, "Those that bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves". How true this is. When we are feeling down thinking how awful things have gotten why don't we serve our friends, our neighbors, family members, a perfect stranger. I know I feel so wonderful when I am able to help someone, whether it be something big or simply putting a smile on their face. Why are we constantly overlooking this and only thinking about our own trials. Heavenly Father didn't expect us to go through this life on our own, we are suppose to help each other along the way. Anyways back to the goals speaker, I really loved this part of the day as well. She spoke about how we are suppose to learn wisdom from our goals. How little we actually think of that. I use to make it a goal just to make it through to the next day, but I never thought about what I learned from that, what wisdom came from actually accomplishing this. So I have begun to make goals, some small some big. You are also suppose to write down how you expect to accomplish these goals. Also all of your goals should lead to the ultimate goal of Eternal Life. I will post my goals on a different post so I can constantly add to it.

Sunday: Church of course was wonderful as it always is. In Relief Society we talked about friendship, one of my favorite topics. I have had some pretty amazing friends in my lifetime and I know that I will continue to make more and I look forward to it. In Sacrament they spoke on Family, my absolute favorite topic. It was so great and spiritual, then Calen decided to pop some silly putty really loud and then got it stuck in the Hymn book, lol!! Anyways, so later that evening Jordan and I went to the CES Fireside broadcast. Sister Dalton, the Young Woman's General President was the speaker. She is such a great speaker and she spoke on being virtuous. The most wonderful thing about our religion is the knowledge that if we mess up that we are able to repent and be forgiven of our transgressions through the atonement. Christ suffered for each and everyone of our sins and all of our sorrows. He knows what we have gone through. He gave everything he could possibly give so that each of us would be able to return to our Heavenly Father and live with him in the Celestial Kingdom. We are capable of being Gods and Goddesses ourselves if we only choose that path and work to obtain it.
Virtue at all costs, without Virtue there can be no Victory.

Well, this is certainly my longest blog to date and I'm pretty sure that no one will have read this far and that's alright by me. I love to write, it's my way of getting things off my mind and sharing my thoughts even if it is just to myself. Just looking over the week I've had I will probably leave work go home and bawl just because I am so thankful for what I have been given, for the wonderful spirit I've felt, for the family and friends I have, most of all for the knowledge I have and the person I am striving to become and know that I will become.

So for the moment I am going to attempt to forget about the insecurities I feel and try to see the bigger picture. Try and see if only for a moment what Heavenly Father sees in me, and yes then bawl some more.

home sweet home, education and happiness

So much has been happening and is continuing to happen with life and I am truly the happiest I have ever been. I have the absolute best family and some pretty great friends too. Here are some of the reasons to my happiness...

First off, over the past six or seven months I have realized a small part of the love that my Heavenly Father has for me. He has carried me through so much and I have not forgotten that. I have so much love for him and I know that I can only be truly happy with him and I don't plan on ever forgetting that.

Next, I really do have the worlds greatest family and wouldn't change them for anything. Although they do enjoy embarrassing me.... A lot, I still love them.

This last week I moved away from my beloved Brentwood apartment. It took me a while to love that place and now I'm dreading being in my new place but I know that I am going to absolutely love it. I have the cutest roommate, Mandy, we get along great so far. She's a very happy person as well so it'll be great.

I'm finally getting back into school. This is a good and a bad thing, mostly good. Bad for the mere reason that I have not been to school since Spring of 2004. I'm scared to death of going back. I also have it in the back of my mind that all I've ever wanted my entire life is to be a stay at home mom so why would I need to go to school. But I know it's good, I know this is where I belong. You should constantly be learning more, furthering your education, and I'm finally able to do that. I have nothing, or no one, keeping me from going. I am mostly excited to go though, and no not just for my intelligent life in the universe class. :D

My IWA group is starting back up again next week. I am very excited for this, I love the girls and am excited to meet new people. The fact that I get to help plan the dances is only an added bonus. I really love being apart of this group because I am able to get out once a week and spend time with just girls. I hang out with girls very rarely so it's good for me.

There's this boy I know, he is such an amazing person and makes me so happy. He is very good to me and I feel so lucky to even know him. Jordan and I have been officially "together" now for just over a month which seems so crazy, I can't believe how fast time has gone by. I wish it would slow down or just freeze for a moment so I can take everything in.

Happiness is not something that should just be momentary. It should be in the back of your heart, your mind, at all times. There's no reason you should not be able to choose happiness when faced with that option. People wonder how I can have such a positive outlook on life, it's easy really, it was a decision I made. I had been miserable for too long and was sick and tired of being that person. I'm a happy person by choice. Mean people really do suck so why would you want to be categorized as that. Every single person goes through crappy and hard times. I really wish that some people would stop thinking that the world is out to get them and that they are the only ones who are in pain. Get over it and start to live, you're wasting away in self pity.

I don't really know where that came from. I think I'm just over people being pessimistic and "realists", if you want to have a bad outlook on life please don't try to push your ideas on me. I enjoy my belief that there is always some good in life. I love my life, thank you to all of you who have helped me get to where I am. I love you all!!

The song that is stuck in my head for today is Love by Matt White

I'm craving Ben and Jerry's

It's official, I am completely obsessed with blogging now. I am constantly wanting to blog, to write down what's going on or what's on my mind. I don't even know if I want people reading what I say because it's purely for my own entertainment.

First things first, Warped Tour was amazing. We had such a good time and I didn't even black out!! We saw We the Kings, The White Tie Affair, Single File, Bayside, Sing It Loud, Cobra Starship, Less Than Jake, Senses Fail and possibly some others.




I met the lead singer from Bayside, who by the way had an amazing set.

It was also the absolute perfect weather for Warped Tour. So all in all it was a great experience, I hope everyone else enjoyed it too.

And we ate some delicious enchiladas.


Onto what's been on my mind lately.... my thoughts, why can I so easily write them down or text them, send them in a message but when it comes to being face to face I freeze. I can never tell people what I'm actually thinking. What am I afraid of really? Hurting someones feelings, embarrassing myself?? Yes, both of those are true but life would be so much easier for everyone, especially myself, if I wasn't such a wuss. I made the goal for myself at the beginning of the year to overcome my fears, so I shall just continue to attempt and overcome my fear of saying what I really want to say. I just really frustrate myself sometimes, grrr.... I should stop now, I really could go on for a long time but I wont. You know what else frustrates me?? A certain roommate who is very disrespectful. Sure she's had a tough life but we all have chica. Get over yourself and learn to wash a freaking dish! And would you please stop screaming at the top of your lungs at two o'clock in the morning!!! ok, the end.... :)

Warped Weekends

I am very excited for this weekend to begin. I have 22 minutes left to waste away at work before the excitement can set in. The county fair is in town, it just so happens to be one of my favorite times of the year. I am really looking forward to going there tonight with Jordan, Tiffany and Kevin. We are going to the rodeo and I plan on eating a Navajo taco as well as a funnel cake and some cotton candy. I'm a huge fan of the scones as well, hopefully I'll get back in town early enough tomorrow to get one of those delectable guys. Then tomorrow comes, I have been looking forward to this day since February, seriously. It's Warped Tour, this will be my third year in a row going and I plan on it being a grand event. We the Kings will be there again this year, I am looking forward to seeing them the most. As well as Cobra Starship, The White Tie Affair, All Time Low, Sing It Loud, There For Tomorrow and many others. I'm kind of hoping not to get trampled or black out again this year. I figure it's a good plan to have. We'll see...

Who I am Now

I've been divorced just over 8 months, and it feels like a lifetime ago. Being married is just a distant memory that feels so unreal to me. I feel like a completely different person leading a completely different life, a life lead by happiness. I refuse to let anyone take this happiness away from me again. People tell me they can see a huge difference in the person I am now than who I was then. I don't think anyone really knows how big of a difference it truly is. I use to go day to day not wanting to live life, not wanting to experience the joys of this beautiful world. I was numb and lonely. Every time I get into a car I prayed that it would crash. I cannot imagine ever having those thoughts now. I have the most wonderful life filled with the most wonderful family and friends. I may not know exactly what I'm doing with my life but I now know where I'm going. Up, I'm headed up.


Ok, enough seriousness for one day, let's talk about one of My most embarrassing days. It happened just this last Sunday when I decided to introduce Jordan to my family.... bad idea on my part. For some reason I thought they could contain themselves, I thought wrong, very wrong. My brothers nearly attacked him, twice, i.e. the picture above and below. Then my mother got a hold of him, no need to say anymore on this topic. I honestly have no idea as to why he is still talking to me and hasn't run far away. It apparently was much worse for me than it was for him, thankfully. All I can say is it's a good thing I love my family.

Family get togethers = Good Times!!

The Joys of July

July just so happens to be my favorite month of the year. The beautiful sun the green trees the concerts the good times. This year my July did not disappoint either. I was able to experience a bit of camping, a few concerts(naturally), some Draco, lot's of fireworks(including a private showing, lol.), lot's of fun with friends and family, as well as a few firsts...

Mary, Michelle, Heather, Jordan and I all went to the Secondhand Serenade concert July 25th. Not only did we get to see Secondhand but also Single File, We Shot the Moon and Parachute all of whom did such an awesome job. We rocked, we rolled, we ate some Costa Vida. At the end of the show, while we were walking out, I got a phone call from Kellen, he was like, "hey I've got someone I want you to talk to..." it ended up being the drummer for Secondhand Serenade. I was somewhat shocked, what do you talk to a drummer from a famous band about?? He gets on the phone and is like, "How the He** are you?" Yeah, it was great, we talked just for a minute but still who can say they've talked to Tom on the phone, no not That Tom, drummer Tom.

I can.

Secondhand Serenade They put on such an awesome show and completely rocked it on the last few songs.

Chris Depew, the drummer for Single File

One of my favorite times of the year is July, not only for the best weather ever but also for the 4th and 24th..... fireworks! We all had our American bandanna pride and wore them for the Hyrum and Logan fireworks. Jordan and I also wore ours for the demolition derby we went to. Today is the last day of July which makes me so incredibly sad. It only goes down from here. It's been a fabulous month though, I could not have asked for more.

Boys Like Girls... or so we thought

Kellen, Sarah, Jordan and I went to the Boys Like Girls concert and had such a great time. We also saw The Ready Set and NeverShoutNever. I was super excited to see NeverShoutNever because he sings the "Happy Song." Little did I know how gay this guy truly was. His microphone was covered in flowers, his piano had flowers and candles on top of it. I'm sure there happened to be some champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries in the back somewhere. I could have been distraught about this and never listened to the "Happy Song" again but I figure I don't have to like the person to like their music, "where's my ladies at?" Then we experienced the pure joy of Boys Like Girls, not every moment was joyfull however. Why anyone would want water spit all over them no matter how hot it is I'll never know. And the moment when the lead singer decided to kiss the guitarist just proved that Boys Like Girls should be Boys sometimes Like Girls but every once in a while like to branch out a bit. Don't get me wrong it was an Awesome concert, we all had a very good time and even got to meet most of the band after the show and waiting about an hour for them to do who knows what.

The Canoe Races.... Staci and Sarah entered the canoe races with the sole purpose of winning. They even hired Kellen and Casey to sabotage the races...... it turns out they did not win but they did do an amazing job. Good job Dam Pirates and Chunky Dunks.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
That's right, I was a pirate at a wizard movie, it was great. The movie...... amazing. That's basically all I have to say about that. This was a very good day all around, canoe races, pirates, Harry Potter..... and other things that involved a mass smiley face text message. All around a Great day.

About a week after meeting Kellen he invites me to go the The Fray concert with him in July. This was back in April. To be honest I was kind of freaked out, wondering how we were going to still want to go to a concert with someone we both hardly knew that was months away. Little did we both know, this was the start of a beautiful friendship. I now have a new best friend who is one of the coolest people I know and yes, we did go to the concert together and had a blast. Jack's Mannequin opened for them and were so amazing. We basically went to see Jack's but had the added bonus of seeing The Fray as well.

Yo quiero El Torro Viejo

I keep forgetting that I even have a blog. I guess I just don't really find my own life that interesting for others to care to read about. Maybe I should make some blog friends. I know plenty of people who have blogs. I will figure out how to do that next.

So the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately would be finding out that I have ulcers down my throat and on my tonsils. I haven't eaten solid foods in days and I'm really craving a burrito. But I have a virus which keeps me from doing so. I can't even drink water without it hurting. The suckiest part is that since this is a virus I have to wait it out, let it heal all on its very own. All I have to say about this is POOP!

I still don't have the slightest idea how to blog, add pictures to where you want them and all that. It's slightly confusing to me. But I figured out Myspace and Facebook so bring it on.

Well I think I am going to eat some more pudding now, I'm hungry.